Marriage is REAL, and so are the struggles!

Not long ago I left my husband. I took my daughter and moved out. I allowed selfishness, pride, anger and frustration to get the best of me. Worst of all, the ENEMY had a hold of me, and his grip was strong! Stronger than any demon attack in the night!

I was scared, not to be alone, but I was scared that I wasn't scared about the consequences of my actions. My daughter and I took a trip out west to visit some family. I needed to clear my head and get on my knees before the Lord and ASK for help. But the desire was not there. I tried... but my flesh failed me. I tried... but my heart failed me. I tried... and I failed over and over again. There was a reason for my failure, but that realization wouldn't come until later. 

When we got back to MI my husband ask that I come home. It was shortly after that that we both came to a very big conclusion-one we knew we were lacking but didn't do anything about it. We both had walked away from the Lord. HE was waiting for us to come forth again. In a very sad, disturbing and emotional filled night, both my husband and I confessed to sin in and out of the marriage. The problem and disappointment with sin is, there is no satisfaction, EVER!! Be it gambling, opposite sex, the computer, shopping or just plain deceit. The hunger gets stronger, and the soul gets weaker. We become immune to blocking out the spirit and its convictions, until the point that it is off in the distance, in view but too far to haunt us... so we thought.

That night happened to be our 5 year anniversary and we BOTH couldn't have been more sorry to crush that celebration with TRUTH. Now, truth is good, but it hurts, is damages, it weighs and it torments-when fighting alone. Having a savior like the one we have, that not only forgives, he chooses to not REMEMBER our sins. What an eye opening realization that no matter how much we hurt our spouse, it does not compare to the hurt that Christ feels when we walk away and sin against Him.

It has been about 6 weeks since that day, and what freedom we both feel that we can pray TOGETHER for each others struggles. It has not gone without tears, torment or anxiety, but we have only made it this far with Christ as our guide. We have much FURTHER to go yet.

Marriage is REAL, so are the struggles, and so are the VOWS! We have made a packed to allow a work to happen in each of us through Christ, forgiving each other, moving forward, and to NEVER let deceit and lies come into our marriage, even if its as small as a secret purchase at Target ;-) We are real with each other, respectfully, even if it hurts. We have begun to seek counsel at our church individually and as a couple, we PRAY together, read together and devote time to the Lord together. Do I wake some days and pray for an ah-ha moment to occur? Yes! But I believe God is working in and through me rather than an instant moment of "fixing" I have come to yearn for HIM and my husband again, and what a feeling, a feeling that is better than newly weds, a feeling better than any sin or secret. I love my husband and I am so anxious to see what God has in store for our future. A stronger relationship with Christ and a stronger marriage is a start, right? Absolutely!!!

I cannot thank my closest friends enough for their unconditional love, guidance and support! Most of all I thank the Lord that he has chosen NOT to remember our sins.

Current scripture I am studying that has brought me closer to Christ and my husband are:

Psalm 51, Romans 8, Philippians, and James 1, my husband has his own list and both are working in our souls and spirit and lifting us higher in His name!

Please pray for us as we strengthen our relationships with Christ, and one another. Only HE can grant the power and knowledge and understanding to make it happen. We are on our knees, and we need rescued.

BB

Updated Chair

I have finally been able to get out into the garage and get working on the 4th generation chair. I am anxious to see how it looks when I am finished, but the next step had been accomplished...

I finished sanding the chair, cutting out fabric, fresh foam in addition to the original wool padding, and added vinyl over that to keep in protected from toddler mishaps, then stapled it all together :) Almost there. One more coat of paint, then stressing it and screwing seat to chair! Yay!

Mothers Day

 My Mothers Day was warm and filled with mommy love! However, my husband :( forgot. But that is ok, because I wanted to spend the day with my mom and our Lil' Pumpkin, and that is just what we did! After church we went to my parents for a lights lunch, then met my husbands mom and her husband for lunch. After that Lil Pumpkin and I were dropped off for a sleep over at my parents. Side Note: There are 5 generation on my moms side, of women. Hope to have a picture up soon of that.

 Lil Pumpkin loves being outside. she found a dead fish, however she didn't know that, and explaining it was pointless, so we just had fun looking for more (dead) fish. We are at Gino's Surf here and the dinner experience only gets better...

 A quick family shot, as Lil Pumpkin is getting antsy and ready to go to grandma and grandpas...

 SO! This is were things get interesting... looking at this picture I am sure you can imagine the outcome... probably because you are mommas. I as well thought, mmm this is going to end bad. I look to my husband and say I want to get one more picture of her playing in the fountain, but I think she may go in she keeps trying to get more of the water... just as he reaches for her little butt, her feet slip out from behind her and IN SHE GOES! I was thinking a few minutes prior that that water is only a few inches deep... um no! It was feet(s) deep and down she went. All in a few seconds she slips, husband reaches in for her, pulls her out by her wrist and on to his chest. My mommy instinct said do not look.... and I did not look. But i could hear it, coughing, gasping, crying, panic! I know if I would have gone to her I would have pushed my MIL down the steps to get to her so I remained calm. It was 68* and windy and freezing water! We went to the car to get her wrapped up, and so glad I still had a winter hat in the car. Changed her and headed to my parents. Poor Lil Pumpkin, but all turned out ok and we thank the Lord for her life.

Bundled up trying to get warm after the fountain adventure. Her little hands and feet were cold for a few hours after...

Food

I am aware that this is random, however I was not aware that pea pods looked like this when fresh and opened up... I guess I was thinking it would be more like sugar naps... Gods creation is just so magnificent! Our master engineer

Tonight's dinner: Chicken-bacon-avacado-onion Kabobs!
They were delicious and I mixed up a little ranch and chili powder to top it off and it added some zest!

Bacon is from: John Henry's Meat. I get it at the Royal Oak farmers market and it is amazing! We also get mini cottage hams from there, the only meat Malena will eat and (all) is free of nitrates!

Avacado/onion: Our Door 2 Door Organics produce delivery service http://michigan.doortodoororganics.com/

Chicken: Costco Organic Chicken breast, yum!

Exploring!

 We went out exploring after an unsuccessful nap attempt. I was making the best of our time together, even though 10 minutes prior to this shot I was gritting my teeth, put hair up wet from my fresh shower and left make-upless... I am thankful for her lack of napping today, we had fun walking, playing in the dirt and taking pictures.

I am giving it a go!

So, here I am. Not sure where to begin or even what to say just yet. But I am sure the thoughts and ideas will come pouring in as I go.

First things first, I am unsure what to actually name my blog. I have changed it about ten times and still am not set on this one... but in time I assume that will come too.

Second, I would like to use this blog to share my thoughts, feelings, pictures and crafts projects. Keeping it simple, yet thought provoking.

I have come to realize that each individual has their own way of going through life. It was a hard thing to realize, but I have and humbly accept that we are all different and God has intended it to be that way. I have learned in the last 2 years how to love behind measure, accept my faults and others too and how to strive to be the wife and mother that God created me for. I am continually reminded of these things as I look into my daughters eyes and see her looking at me for guidance. I am her role model and I need to shine Christ for her and pray He has her soul and my determination.

My husband gives me the feeling that I want to pull out my hair at times, do you get that too? But at the end of the day he is my rock, my one friend that kisses me goodnight and loves me still, no matter what. I love him dearly for that! When he makes our daughter giggle and puts her to bed, my hearts leaps with joy and it is usually then that I know we all need each other, and we have a bond that is unbroken...