Marriage is REAL, and so are the struggles!

Not long ago I left my husband. I took my daughter and moved out. I allowed selfishness, pride, anger and frustration to get the best of me. Worst of all, the ENEMY had a hold of me, and his grip was strong! Stronger than any demon attack in the night!

I was scared, not to be alone, but I was scared that I wasn't scared about the consequences of my actions. My daughter and I took a trip out west to visit some family. I needed to clear my head and get on my knees before the Lord and ASK for help. But the desire was not there. I tried... but my flesh failed me. I tried... but my heart failed me. I tried... and I failed over and over again. There was a reason for my failure, but that realization wouldn't come until later. 

When we got back to MI my husband ask that I come home. It was shortly after that that we both came to a very big conclusion-one we knew we were lacking but didn't do anything about it. We both had walked away from the Lord. HE was waiting for us to come forth again. In a very sad, disturbing and emotional filled night, both my husband and I confessed to sin in and out of the marriage. The problem and disappointment with sin is, there is no satisfaction, EVER!! Be it gambling, opposite sex, the computer, shopping or just plain deceit. The hunger gets stronger, and the soul gets weaker. We become immune to blocking out the spirit and its convictions, until the point that it is off in the distance, in view but too far to haunt us... so we thought.

That night happened to be our 5 year anniversary and we BOTH couldn't have been more sorry to crush that celebration with TRUTH. Now, truth is good, but it hurts, is damages, it weighs and it torments-when fighting alone. Having a savior like the one we have, that not only forgives, he chooses to not REMEMBER our sins. What an eye opening realization that no matter how much we hurt our spouse, it does not compare to the hurt that Christ feels when we walk away and sin against Him.

It has been about 6 weeks since that day, and what freedom we both feel that we can pray TOGETHER for each others struggles. It has not gone without tears, torment or anxiety, but we have only made it this far with Christ as our guide. We have much FURTHER to go yet.

Marriage is REAL, so are the struggles, and so are the VOWS! We have made a packed to allow a work to happen in each of us through Christ, forgiving each other, moving forward, and to NEVER let deceit and lies come into our marriage, even if its as small as a secret purchase at Target ;-) We are real with each other, respectfully, even if it hurts. We have begun to seek counsel at our church individually and as a couple, we PRAY together, read together and devote time to the Lord together. Do I wake some days and pray for an ah-ha moment to occur? Yes! But I believe God is working in and through me rather than an instant moment of "fixing" I have come to yearn for HIM and my husband again, and what a feeling, a feeling that is better than newly weds, a feeling better than any sin or secret. I love my husband and I am so anxious to see what God has in store for our future. A stronger relationship with Christ and a stronger marriage is a start, right? Absolutely!!!

I cannot thank my closest friends enough for their unconditional love, guidance and support! Most of all I thank the Lord that he has chosen NOT to remember our sins.

Current scripture I am studying that has brought me closer to Christ and my husband are:

Psalm 51, Romans 8, Philippians, and James 1, my husband has his own list and both are working in our souls and spirit and lifting us higher in His name!

Please pray for us as we strengthen our relationships with Christ, and one another. Only HE can grant the power and knowledge and understanding to make it happen. We are on our knees, and we need rescued.

BB